the next time I see you
“The next time you see
me, I’ll propose”
that was your promise
to me, when I was crying
about you going
back to Manila,
again
crying
about the distance
we always face
the quarantine
restrictions that
ever-change
that was
a few weeks ago
+ now
suddenly
you’re walking
towards
me
on the beach
in the soft rain
as if walking
out of one of my
daydreams--when I look
for you
in coffee shops
+ malls
always looking,
always hoping,
that maybe you’d come
surprise me again
+ I could breathe for a bit
as the daunting
distance is lifted
off my caving
chest
sometimes, I think
I see you, + catch
my breath for a second, only to realize
it’s not you, + you’re actually
far away
away on the COVID frontlines, fighting
to get suffering
patients a hospital bed
“The next time you see
me, I’ll propose”
you’re getting
closer to me now, with a bouquet
of flowers in your hands
+ I wonder
if you know
I took
your promise,
mahal ko, + put
it in writing, etching
it into my mind so I could keep
it close
I read
it before drifting
off into another nightmare
in the middle of the night + when
I wake in the morning
I read
it when my anxiety leaves
me shaking
+ the tears stream
down
my
face
+ I’m reading
it now, as you finally stand
in front of me, + I plead
“Dear God, let
his words be
true, let this moment be
the one”
+ just like that you kneel
in the sand, holding
a jewel so green, it must be
alive, as if you picked
it from the Subic jungle itself
on your way
green is
the color of life--
the color of growth
+ I see
both in our future together,
as you keep
your promise to me
right now + ask to have
me for forever
as I say
yes + you put
on the ring, the sea air is
suddenly so sweet in the little
drops of rain + the shore brings
in waves of relief
after a year of fighting,
I can finally collapse
into your arms + know
the distance is ending
because today is
the next time I see you
*mahal ko--my love
*This poem is dedicated to my then fiance, + now husband*
